Women who choose to propose to their boyfriends are similarly mocked on FDS. Another post says that a woman who wants to ask men out (instead of waiting for him to initiate like a High Value Male would) makes them “a pick-me” automatically. When one commenter wrote that they love FDS and are dating a High Value Male but they enjoy BDSM, some people responded that FDS may not be the space for them if they can’t follow the rules.
These strict rules mean that FDS members only support certain women. Posts about sex workers can be incredibly whorephobic (a term used by sex workers to describe hatred toward sex workers that can be both relational, systemic, and societal), with comments on one post saying that abusive men should see sex workers instead of “normal women.” My friend who otherwise enjoys FDS says she doesn’t like “how they talk about sex workers or treat them as separate from the general population of women.” And just as the forum breaks men down into “low value” and “high value,” so too will it call women “low value” for behavior that doesn’t live up to their standards. Women are encouraged to not disclose their sexual history to partners or have sex too soon because they believe no man would ever love a woman who has sex quickly. The sexual conservatism of their approach can become oppressive to women.
There are even approved podcasters and YouTubers for FDS members to listen to.
#Would you rather reddit how to
it’s not going to get better,” said a friend who introduced me to the group.ĭedicated members of Female Dating Strategy are supposed to read the subreddit’s six-point ideology around how to approach dating, follow its list of rules (they do not support consensual BDSM, viewing porn, or having sex before commitment has been established in a relationship), and use women-critical lingo such as “ pickmeisha” (a woman who lowers standards to receive attention from men) and “ cockholm syndrome” (when a woman keeps going back to “low-value” men). “The guidelines helped me realize (what in hindsight sounds obvious) that if the guys you are talking to aren’t choosing to reciprocate the same effort as you in the beginning. It’s clear that Female Dating Strategy can have an appeal to women trying to find answers to the struggles in their relationships. Much of the basic advice in FDS can be helpful in learning one’s worth and relearning how to assert boundaries as an adult. One user said FDS helped them block a manipulative guy they’d been seeing for years another said the community helped her leave an abusive relationship. Many FDS members talk about how FDS changed their lives. For women who have dealt with trauma at the hands of men in their relationships, FDS’s guidelines (“A Man MUST Treat You Like a Queen from the Start” and “Don’t Settle for Less”) can serve as a practice in boundary-setting, and the forum can offer a supportive community for those who may not otherwise have one. On a base level, much of Female Dating Strategy’s advice makes sense. The guidelines can be useful for setting boundaries, but they can become oppressive to women, tooīut while FDS’s advice can seem appealing at first, underneath is a socially conservative approach that’s often deeply critical of women and their behaviors, placing limits on how they can act and what they ought to seek from a relationship.